Wonton Stinkbombs

By: Suzanne

Apr 01 2010

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Category: pranks


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This morning, I’m thinking that, as a responsible parent, I should probably have phoned ahead and warned Dylan’s teacher.

Last night was our parent-teacher meeting at school. His reading, we heard, is great. We know his writing and drawing is rich and experimental. But apart from that, he’s mostly quiet in class and seems to be finding school pretty boring. The classroom, his Grade 3 teacher admitted, isn’t well-designed for kids who love off-the-page learning.

When Dylan walked off to put a book away, his teacher told us in a hushed voice that our son has recently been outed as the ring-leader in some covert scientific experimentation with rotting lunchbox leftovers that’s resulted in lots of grossed-out kids and general stinkiness in the cloakroom. She seemed to think it was kinda cute, so I’m hoping she’s ok with what he’s got—literally—up his sleeve today: stinkbombs.

As a natural extension of his love of silliness and weird concoctions, Dylan hatched his April Fool’s pranking plan a few days ago.

After school, he pulled his step-stool over to the kitchen counter and pulled the lid off the blender. In went an egg, wasabi and oyster sauce. With each new idea, he hunched his shoulders fiendishly and giggled and gagged into one hand while dumping more ingredients with the other: a shake of stinky fish food, half an onion. Whizz. Canned cat food, peanut butter. Whizz. Giggle. Gag. Playdough, whole cloves of garlic.

Then he cut out little circles of grocery bag and put a spoonful of the fetid swill into the middle of each one. Then, he wrapped them up with twist-ties so they looked like little wonton pouches, and left them on the counter to let nature and a few days in a warm place do their thing.

So this morning, while he finished up his cereal, he tucked his squirty container of disappearing ink into his pants pocket and tightened the twist-ties on his little wonton stinkbombs. He was giddy with anticipation. He’d also entrusted me with pulling-off the final step in a trick on his brother and made me promise I wouldn’t screw up.

After he washed his mouth out from brushing his teeth with wasabi-laced toothpaste (hee hee) I only had the time to give him a quick kiss on the head this morning, he was in such a big rush to get to school.

I hugged his big brother a little longer than usual. He’s going to high school next year and all of a sudden he seems to be growing up so fast.

And besides, I needed a bit of extra time to get Dylan’s prank note safety-pinned to the back of Liam’s hoodie, a note that declared in big red letters: I love Barbies.

6 comments on “Wonton Stinkbombs”

  1. OMG! is the first reaction that comes to mind.. (“oh my gosh”, that is!) I can hardly wait to hear the outcome… I hope all goes well !!!!! Great story-telling too.. I can picture the whole scene perfectly… I feel the anticipation!!

  2. This only partially explains why Liam and Dylan came to our door the other day and, amidst giggles, attempted to borrow a quarter cup of sugar (Paul interrupted their mission with a stern order to return said foodstuff). Was the original plan to disguise these stink bombs as cookies?

    Looking forward to hearing how this all turned out. And I won’t be accepting any food, hugs or other offerings from your boys anytime soon!

  3. Dylan’s “mind of a scientist” has done it again! …… his big brother trick may have huge repercussions if the instigator is discovered.
    Please reveal the outcome – ASAP
    I can’t wait to hear. What fun to be young and full of mischief
    On second thought, one can still be full of mischief as a golden oldie!

    • AFTER SCHOOL REPORT: The planning and the anticipation was, as it turns out, more fun than the playing out of the prank. Liam caught sight of the note in the mirror on the way out of the lobby and ripped it off. As they were arriving at school, Dylan realized the wonton stinkbombs had sprung a leak and, fearing he would be the only victim of his stinking plot, he and his buddy whipped two each at the outside wall, watched them drip down the red brick wall, and ran inside.

  4. ah well. This sounds like the kind of story that could easily be embellished over time…by the time he’s thirty, family legend will have stinkbombs dropping from the rafters of the school gymnasium…

    Thanks for sharing! I was woefully un-pranked and un-prankish this year…so this is a little vicarious living…!

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